Life Success Principal Part 2 – The Map Is Not The Territory
By Michael Griffiths
www.michaelgriffiths.com.au
I hope you really enjoyed part one of our journey through Life Success Principals and understanding your values. Today we are going to touch on an amazing topic and one that very few people can understand on their own. This is so powerful that it will change your outlook on yourself, your family, others around you and your life and that is ‘The Map Is Not The Territory.’
Everyone has their own map of the world and NO two maps are ever the same. A person’s map comes through their own thoughts, actions, experiences and what they hold as beliefs at the time. For example a man living in poverty on the street fighting everyday for survival is going to have a different map on ‘the benefits of welfare’, then an executive who is being paid $200,000 per year and half his income goes in taxes.
A person’s map can only come from what they have experienced and nothing more.
So why do we have ‘Maps’ and what do they do for us; A person’s map allows them to have an outlook of the world, it allows them to justify everything that is going for them and it allows them to belong.
How powerful is this; You cannot change another person’s map and you cannot put your map over theirs. A person’s map is what holds true to them, NOT YOU, and becoming curious around another person will be the only way you can find out about their map.
The same event that takes place in front of two people can have a completely different meaning for both. For example there are two children 13 years of age who are part of the soccer team they have been practicing and the coach yells out “Kick the ball harder” the tone is strong and firm. Child 1 hears this and puts meaning to it – I’m no good at soccer, I can’t even kick the ball hard. Child 2 hears exactly the same comment and puts meaning to it – I must be really advanced if I’m being asked to kick the ball harder.
Certainly I might have taken things to the extreme however it does show the point. You might actually remember a time when you were growing up where something was said, or done where you have placed meaning to it, that has stayed with you for ever.
I remember one event when holidaying on the Gold Coast with my family. I was barbequing with dad and thought I was doing a pretty good job, the hamburgers however started to fall apart as I hadn’t put them on the hot plate first, a comment was made and at that moment I placed my own meaning to that comment. “I was no good at cooking hamburgers on a bbq” I myself got over that fairly quickly but it shows a power of a comment or action and how we end up with limiting beliefs.
If you think of a time in which you thought something made so much sense, everyone should be able to see it ‘Your Way’, what’s wrong with these people. Can you see why it might not have been the case now? Your map, through your own experiences, thoughts and actions are completely different to the next person. Hence the world will always have different meanings for people on the same event.
A person can change their own map and become more aware of other peoples maps, but we can’t change another’s person map.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
How to Boost Your Self-Esteem (and why it goes down!)
Have you ever noticed your self-esteem seems to go down, and you don’t even know why? Each time I hear someone share their story of low self-esteem and difficulty making a decision, I know how they feel.
Two years ago my self-esteem was at an all time low. I had no idea how I’d got myself into this place, and even less idea of how to get out of it!
It seemed the more I wished I felt better about myself, the worse I felt. I used to say to myself “I’ll make this decision when I feel better about myself.” Or “When my confidence is up, then I’ll act.”
I had no idea that those thoughts were actually perpetuating my feelings of inadequacy.
What I have learned since then is –
…the less decisions you make, the lower your self-esteem will become…
…the more you put something off, the lower your confidence becomes…
…the more you wait for the courage to act, the less it will appear…
…the more you wish you felt better about yourself, the worse you will feel…
Explains a lot, huh?
The ONLY way to boost your self-esteem is to –
1. Make more decisions, and start caring LESS about how it MUST work out!
2. Get over your need for absolute certainty that everything will be perfect.
3. Let go of not being allowed to make mistakes! It’s okay to make a mess, just learn from the mistake and MOVE ON!
4. Stop procrastinating, and telling yourself you’re waiting for “the right time”. Who are you kidding?
5. Stop waiting for courage to turn up – courage is only needed when you act. As long as you sit there waiting for it, it won’t show.
6. Stop focusing on yourself and what you think you lack… because what you focus on is what you get.
7. Focus on what you can do, today, even if it scares you. If it didn’t get your heart racing, it wasn’t that important to you!
8. Give yourself permission to have a go!
Finally…If… and ONLY if… you are genuinely committed to positive change in your life…
Make a decision and act TODAY.
Whatever it is you have been putting off because you didn’t feel good, you weren’t confident, you didn’t know if you could do it, you were worried it might not work out… whatever it is that you have been giving up on achieving to appease the self-doubt you have nurtured for… how long?!... WHATEVER it is that you have been giving up on achieving…
The time to act is NOW.
You will feel great about yourself.
Your friends will notice the difference.
You will start to like yourself.
You will meet different people who also like themselves.
You will experience new things that excite you.
You will finally feel awesome self-esteem!
Two years ago my self-esteem was at an all time low. I had no idea how I’d got myself into this place, and even less idea of how to get out of it!
It seemed the more I wished I felt better about myself, the worse I felt. I used to say to myself “I’ll make this decision when I feel better about myself.” Or “When my confidence is up, then I’ll act.”
I had no idea that those thoughts were actually perpetuating my feelings of inadequacy.
What I have learned since then is –
…the less decisions you make, the lower your self-esteem will become…
…the more you put something off, the lower your confidence becomes…
…the more you wait for the courage to act, the less it will appear…
…the more you wish you felt better about yourself, the worse you will feel…
Explains a lot, huh?
The ONLY way to boost your self-esteem is to –
1. Make more decisions, and start caring LESS about how it MUST work out!
2. Get over your need for absolute certainty that everything will be perfect.
3. Let go of not being allowed to make mistakes! It’s okay to make a mess, just learn from the mistake and MOVE ON!
4. Stop procrastinating, and telling yourself you’re waiting for “the right time”. Who are you kidding?
5. Stop waiting for courage to turn up – courage is only needed when you act. As long as you sit there waiting for it, it won’t show.
6. Stop focusing on yourself and what you think you lack… because what you focus on is what you get.
7. Focus on what you can do, today, even if it scares you. If it didn’t get your heart racing, it wasn’t that important to you!
8. Give yourself permission to have a go!
Finally…If… and ONLY if… you are genuinely committed to positive change in your life…
Make a decision and act TODAY.
Whatever it is you have been putting off because you didn’t feel good, you weren’t confident, you didn’t know if you could do it, you were worried it might not work out… whatever it is that you have been giving up on achieving to appease the self-doubt you have nurtured for… how long?!... WHATEVER it is that you have been giving up on achieving…
The time to act is NOW.
You will feel great about yourself.
Your friends will notice the difference.
You will start to like yourself.
You will meet different people who also like themselves.
You will experience new things that excite you.
You will finally feel awesome self-esteem!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Life Success Principal Part 1 – Understanding Your Values
Over the next month we will put together a range of Life Success Principals that will allow you to go through a self paced course in creating change.
Part 1 looks at ‘Understanding Your Own Values’. To make any change in your personal, family or business life you must understand and appreciate the values that you stand for each day. A value is something that creates a great feeling for you when it occurs. If your value is honesty and integrity then everytime you are honest you will feel fantatsic with the actions you have taken. If your value is love and connection then loving, caring and being there for the people special in your life will bring great joy and happiness to you.
It is very easy however to have values come from your head and not from your heart. Values that comes from your head are usually values that you wish or hope to have but really don’t bring you any emotional feeling and therefore you can’t attach yourself to them. Values play a huge part in a persons makeup and therefore have a huge effect on the way they think, act and go about their daily life.
Our vales can be our compass for our lives and ulimately our choices. Values guide our every decision. When a person knows what is most important to them, making a decision is effortless.
Values include but are not limited to;
• Passion
• Freedom
• Adventure
• Love
• Comfort
• Pride
• Honesty
• Safety
• Health
• Happiness
• Repsect
Remember when you know what is most important to you then making a decision is simple.
Most people live their lives in reaction to the events around them, hoping, wishing and waiting that it will all work out. Or worse, they know what they want to have; more time, money, love, health without ever knowing who they want to be or who they have to be to achieve it. All they know is they want more!
If you want to know what it feels like to not live congruently with who you are and what you believe in, make a decision that doesn’t keep your values intact. The secret to happiness... no matter how tought the going gets... live congruently with your values.
Activity:
What core feelings and emotional states must you feel on a regular basis so that you know you are being true to yourself?
Part 1 looks at ‘Understanding Your Own Values’. To make any change in your personal, family or business life you must understand and appreciate the values that you stand for each day. A value is something that creates a great feeling for you when it occurs. If your value is honesty and integrity then everytime you are honest you will feel fantatsic with the actions you have taken. If your value is love and connection then loving, caring and being there for the people special in your life will bring great joy and happiness to you.
It is very easy however to have values come from your head and not from your heart. Values that comes from your head are usually values that you wish or hope to have but really don’t bring you any emotional feeling and therefore you can’t attach yourself to them. Values play a huge part in a persons makeup and therefore have a huge effect on the way they think, act and go about their daily life.
Our vales can be our compass for our lives and ulimately our choices. Values guide our every decision. When a person knows what is most important to them, making a decision is effortless.
Values include but are not limited to;
• Passion
• Freedom
• Adventure
• Love
• Comfort
• Pride
• Honesty
• Safety
• Health
• Happiness
• Repsect
Remember when you know what is most important to you then making a decision is simple.
Most people live their lives in reaction to the events around them, hoping, wishing and waiting that it will all work out. Or worse, they know what they want to have; more time, money, love, health without ever knowing who they want to be or who they have to be to achieve it. All they know is they want more!
If you want to know what it feels like to not live congruently with who you are and what you believe in, make a decision that doesn’t keep your values intact. The secret to happiness... no matter how tought the going gets... live congruently with your values.
Activity:
What core feelings and emotional states must you feel on a regular basis so that you know you are being true to yourself?
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